You don’t need to be accepted by others..

It’s not uncommon to worry about the opinion of others. What do they think? What will they say? How will they interpret my intentions and actions? This feeling of wanting to belong, to be accepted is very tiresome, and worse, the more we try to please others the less we like who we are, we start to point out our flaws and generate hate because we wish things were different.

I used to care, I used to want to fit in so badly, specially when I immigrated to the United States. I wanted to speak English perfectly, I hated that I didn’t play sports, I hated that I had to start working at fourteen years old because I wanted things my parents couldn’t afford. I grew resentful because I had a curvier body, because I had braces, because I looked different than everyone else.

Luckily, when I went to college in Brazil, I was in a big city, Curitiba. Living in a bigger city changed my perspective, people didn’t care if I had the trendy clothes, we still became friends. I started to accept that I was a young woman ‘in construction’, that I had to learn about myself, learn about life, and where I was in life was not my final destination. I also started to go to the gym and that helped me build more confidence in my body.

The real shift came within the past few years when I understood that the most important relationship in my life, the person I need to trust, the person I need to be accepted by, is ME. I need to be my team mate, I need to pick myself up when I am feeling down, I need to motivate myself to do something greater. I need to wear what I like, to cultivate peace, I need to love me, and through me others will feel this love.

Being happy with yourself ‘under construction’ is the best feeling in the world. It is a feeling of welcoming your flaws and what you are learning about yourself and the world. Although we may spend most of our lives seeking to be accepted by others, we must find approval of who we are with our imperfections and with our crazy thoughts. And if we can accept ourselves, we can be forgiving and respectful of others who are also trying to figure out this thing called LIFE.