It wasn’t until very recent that I started dating with the intent of finding someone to marry and have a future with. I blame it on growing up playing with barbies! Barbie is an independent career woman and to me that was how women should be. So I conquered it all, a car, a house, a career, and loneliness appeared. I saw that life was could be better with someone by my side.

As I decided to take dating seriously, I read many books and I put myself out there to simply meet people. Get to know all kinds of people from various backgrounds and cultures would put me at an advantage to finding the right person for me… right?

NO!

My BIGGEST dating mistake was to meet people without knowing what I wanted, what characteristics would pair well with me and most importantly which ones would not. I was going out there without knowing what was non negotiable for me!

Then I met this one guy, at a glance we were a great match, however he did not want a serious relationship. With my chest boiling I wanted to resorted to my toxic femininity (oh you know when we try to manipulate, argue, and even threaten our way into someones heart?!) luckily I caught myself before I acted. I started to repeat all the time to myself how amazing I was and if he didn’t want anything with me that it was his problem not mine. In fact he was doing me a favor of leaving my life so I could make room for the right person. We had one last conversation where he stated we wanted different things, I acknowledged his position and I blocked him in all social media and his phone number.

I channeled my anger and disappointment towards fitness, I exercised, I meal prepped, I drank water, took care of my body and my skin because I was committed to showing myself the love that I know I might not get from someone else. I also came up with a list of what I needed in my future man, they were realistic human characteristics that were going to be a match with me!

When I felt ready I had two dates and upon sitting down to eat I was able to detect that these people did not meet the characteristics on my list. Then I met my boyfriend, our first encounter he already checked a couple boxes. We were open and honest with each other, no one was trying to impress, no one tried to manipulate, it was almost like we just put our hearts on the table and let them do the talking. We quickly learned that we both wanted the same things in life, we had very common personalities and he kept checking other items off items on my list. Soon, I became sure I wanted to have him in my life, so I told him that.

I told him that I was sure about him, and now he had to make a decision and chose me. Without hesitation he did and we have been in a monogamous and continuous relationship since. He teaches me so much about love and relationships and for that alone I am very grateful to have him.

None of this would happen if I did not make a list of what I needed in a man. So I encourage you, regardless of gender, to make a list of what your ideal partner needs to be like. Don’t be superficial and focus on the outside but real characteristics like, honesty, patience, hard working, same religion or political views. Maybe you like sports, or camping, your ideal partner needs to like those things too. Maybe you like to stay on the budget and save money, your ideal partner can’t be someone that likes “flexing”. Only you know what is non negotiable for you, and only you know what you are willing to sacrifice. Making a list and knowing what you need will help you on a date to figure out if you should keep getting to know each other, thus not wasting your time or the time of someone else.

I hope you found this as helpful as it has been for me!